What a weird day today.



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I was driving to therapy and noticing the clouds in the sky,  I saw a very odd one. It was a very very dark color. It almost looked like it was smoke from something burning. As I continued on my way I saw more clouds like that. Just what has been going on in our skies? Gone are the days when I was little and the skies where this brilliant shade of blue. It was cheerful to look up in the morning an notice how the beautiful sun played off the clouds to give such a sight. But now I look up to the sky and view the strangest cloud formations. They don’t look natural. It’s not just that. There are strange things going on all over the world on a unprecedented scale. I am not one to fall for conspiracy theories. But I have to admit they can be convincing at times based on facts that we have already experience. Like the homeless disappearing or being put in fema camps. I am not going to get into all that I know about some of this stuff but you have to admit that the world is changing. I am sure there are hidden things that the government does not want us to know. The weather has been devastating to so many people around the world. Earthquakes, mudslides, holes opening in the ground and swallowing up half a town. Hurricanes have increased in their devastation. No one knows just what is going to happen next. Oh and lets not forget the trigger happy guy in North Korea.

Yes this was the kind of day that I had. I was stressing about my own personal issues and then I brought the whole world into it. Because I care.

I guess the best that we can do for now is wake up in the morning and pray to God to thank him for another beautiful day despite it all. The world is in such a mess but God will soon step in and stop the suffering. That’s something important to hold onto.


This was posted on Facebook by a friend.

I thought it was brave and very touching.

Maybe if people weren’t knobheads and understood instead of judging and thinking it doesn’t happen to them because they think they have the perfect family, life will just be that bit easier for people that experience this 😃👍
This rings very close to home for me. Not only myself but for family and friends. The days of it being shut away and not talked about or criticised should be over. Yes there are some that milk the system and others that don’t know or understand how much help is available. Then you get the ones that want nothing more than to be “rid” of the shadow.
In the most difficult moments of life you realize who are true friends or the people who really appreciate you 😊 Unfortunately, most friends will send you a “like”, but in reality they do not take time to read your status if they see it’s lengthy. More than half will stop reading right here, or have already scrolled on to the next post in their feed.
I decided to post this message in support of a very special person to me who continues to fight every day.
I’m also posting for anyone who has a friend or family member suffering a terrible mental illness.
Now I’m watching the ones who will have the time to read this post until the end. This is a little test, just to see who reads, and who shares without reading.
If you have read everything so far, select “like” so I can put a thank you in your profile. Mental health awareness is needed just because you can not see it people are suffering and dying. Maybe it will even strike up a conversation from someone that wouldn’t normally talk to you because they don’t know much about it.
Please, in honor of a family member or a friend who is suffering or has passed away from mental health copy and paste on your page this text.
But also try to spare a little of your time with someone who may just want to talk (about anything). Talking can help someone to cope a little more with their situation, keeping it bottled up just makes it worse.
Most people say, “if you need anything, don’t hesitate to call me, I’ll be there to help you”. So, I’m going to make a bet that most who saw this post (maybe even read all the way to the end) won’t, but I believe a select few of my friends will post this, to show their support for their family/friend who may be struggling.
You just have to copy (not share) and paste.
I’d like to know who I can count on to take a minute out of their day and actually read my status 😍 then write “done” in the comments. Thank you


This was sent to my email

Hi Linda,

As you have signed the petition calling the government to take more action on child sexual abuse, I am now asking you show your support for this cause again.

Please share this booklet with your friends and family.

Our campaign is aimed at raising the awareness about the scope and scale of sexual abuse in the UK. We have published a booklet to help do this.  Why?

Survivors are not getting justice through the courts, as the juries do not understand enough about the effects of abuse, and the impact it has on the behaviour of the victims. So their behaviour is held against them.

Children are left to be abused because they are not believed, again based on their behaviour.

People need to understand more, to be able to help more.

This button will take you to an electronic version of our booklet, if you are willing to share these booklets, please reply to this email with your address, and I will send them to you in the post. They are A5 in size. Just take 5, 10 (or more !) and hand them out.

We need to stop the rape and abuse of over 550 children each day, and knowledge about what is happening will get people to stand and be a voice for the children.

A Child is Crying Booklet
Thank you for your continued support.

Dianah Walker
A Child is Crying Campaign Team
020 8552 4842


Changed Psychiatrist


downloadI have been through so many psychiatrists and therapists over the years. We are talking decades here. Some good and some not so good and some excellent.  I just lost a really good psychiatrist. They told me a new one was coming to take her place and so I waited. They told me that it would be about a month for him to get settled in and to call at the end of the month to schedule an appointment.  Well a month went by and he still was not there. Finally I get the news that he is not coming at all. I heard he was really nice too. I played around with the idea of going to a doctor that I had in the hospital in the past and looked him up. He is super nice.  He is now in private practice. I changed my mind and  I decided to use one of the other doctors in the same office as my former doctor. I know him very well.  I don’t really care for the way he does things or his manner but I figured that I only see him once a month so it’s not going to kill me to stay with him. Well, I had my first appointment with him and he started seeming very friendly and joking a little and making good eye contact, which seems to be a problem for him,  then he swiveled his chair around to look at his computer screen as I was talking.  So I figured I would wait until he turned around. He wondered why I stopped talking and said, “go ahead say what you were going to say”,  but he did not turn around. I did not at all means for this to come out the way that it did but I said without thinking,  “I am not going to talk to the back of your bald head”. I know that was rude of me right?  I should ask you the reader who was really the rude one.  I should have left the bald part out,  that was rude of me! It just slipped out, you know like when you usually think something inside your head but it comes out spontaneously and you didn’t really  mean for it too.

I will wait it out and give him some time but if I am not happy there than I will have to find another. It is so hard on me and I know it is hard on many others as well, when you get use to someone and they retire or move and you have to change your therapist or doctor. Oh well that’s life!


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P.S. I still have my wonderful therapist! I am not giving her up without a fight!

What to do with that space

What do I do with that space. Its white and its there but I think it has been erased. What was it for, this space? I will give it sometime to let me know why it is there and what to do with it. Its clean and its bright! There are so many possibilities to use this space. Was it given to me or was it given to you? Perhaps we both have this white space. It’s so clean so if I use it I don’t want to make a mistake and have to erase this important space.

I know, it’s telling me to write and to keep writing because I can never, never, ever, run out of space.



A Character Within Your Core

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As I reached for you,
with childish cries,
I felt a lift and hug and smile.
Comfort was there,
for just a while.
I laid my head upon your shoulders,
with complete trust.
I looked to you for,
love and care.
You answered back,
with attention shared.
Did pain reside in your heart,
but just remained disguised.
A character within your core,
kept hidden in your deepest part?
Was I born to this evil plan,
that was to inflict my life?
I knew not enough about the world.
But I believed it was safe.
Did you know of the monster,
that resided inside you?
Like a ticking clock,
the time would come,
that my whole world would change.
All the good you gave was erased,
by the strange look upon your face.
How fast trust can be shattered.
How fast love turned into pain.
You are my father,
but there is a monster inside you.
I no longer feel safe to reach my arms up for a lift,
or to rest my head upon safe shoulders.
I could no longer look to you
for love and care.
Because now you answer back,
with a heart that’s bare.
What did I do,
to reach that character within your core,
and tap that deepest part?
It was this evil part,
the one that stole you from me.
I could wish and wish for a brand new start,
but now I am shattered and empty,
and left with a broken heart.


She only felt what she felt


She knew that she was different. But different could never be explained in words. She has often tried to tell others who just look at her in a confused or objectionable manner, like, “oh really”.  Its hurtful. She searches for someone who understands but she is left lonely in her thoughts and strangely unique feelings. The thoughts can always be explained and judged by the listener. However, the listener can not sense or know or feel the same way.  She has wondered all her life why she is this way. She has asked herself, “was I born this way and are there others like me who just want to be understood and treasured for this unique gift?”

It feels like shifting into a surreal state but there is perfect control over this odd but breathtaking environment. Entering it is not deliberate. It happens every so often that she is carried away into a feeling and that feeling has colors and sounds and thoughts. She is left in this moment in time for how ever long it takes to experience these things. She can call upon it at will but it is usually by accident. It could be a scent or a light breeze blowing through the window and caught in the lift of her white lace curtain on a beautiful sunny day.  As it reaches her and is felt, the breeze begins to tell her a story. It may be a moment long. But it crosses ages of time. “How is it possible to feel that way”,  she wonders. “If I told anyone one about this they would surely lock me up, but I am not crazy and I know that I am not alone in this experience.” She remains silent about it and she just enjoys this amazing burst of surrealism.  It often feels euphoric in a way that can’t be put into words. She just enjoys it.  After all,  it doesn’t hurt anyone to have a wonderful secret.