I have been waiting to know why I am here. Why was I born? I want a clear answer to the reasons for all the atrocities in life. Especially my life. What was the purpose in it all. The book of Ecclesiastes Chapter 3 says, “there is an appointed time for everything”,” a time to rip apart and a time sew together,” ” and a time to keep quiet and a time to speak”. ( taken from the New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures)
There must be as of yet a hidden reason to why I was allowed to suffer the way that I had in my childhood. What is the great mystery to why people do the things they do to the people that they are suppose to love and protect?
What is hiding behind the mask? Everyone seems to where a mask to protect the vulnerable parts of themselves. Why can’t people just be real? I had no choice. I had to where a mask because I was told to by my father. Is that what happens with others? I wonder.
Secrets are the things that are placed in you and hidden deep inside so as not to be seen by the outside world, whether you want them there or not. They are carefully kept and watched and monitored by the one who placed them there. I did not ask for the secrets nor did I ask to where the mask. I was just a child and yet molded for a purpose that was not of my choosing. I have so many questions yet to be answered about my life.
Is there a lesson in all this for me? Just what is it. I might not ever find the answers.
What can we know about the human mind? Are we not all just stumbling through life seeking answers but never really finding the truth. That has been my experience thus far. Perhaps the truth comes from above. Only God can truly read hearts. Only he can know why people do the things that they do. Maybe I don’t have to figure it out because it is not my place to know. I can live with that.
Forgiveness is necessary because we are imperfect. Even the most horrendous sins against us need to be forgiven for our own sake. If we don’t than it stops us from moving forward in our own life.
I have suffered in so many ways as a result of the abuse. Many people all over the earth, to many to count, have suffered in the most horrendous ways. Man in his imperfect state can be so cruel to one another.
I have learned so much about myself from observing other people. I know the difference between the people I don’t want to be like and the people that I look up too. Thank goodness that I am intuitive and can do that now in my life for its a protection for me from further harm.
Life lessons are not always learned by our parents……that was absolutely true in my case. I was left to discover for myself what was right or wrong. The roles were reversed. Being a highly sensitive child, my world was scary and emotionally raw. With out sufficient nurturance I was left to fend for myself and there where monsters out there waiting for their moment to attack.They saw what they wanted and took it from me. Yes I was molested by two other people as well as my father. It was my grandfather and a baby sitter. I had to think quickly for some survival mechanisms. I built walls but they tore them down. I put up more and they tore those down. Eventually I just became numb to it all. At least the numbness help me not to feel the profound emptiness. Creating worlds within myself was a comfort to me. Thats what some abused children do to escape what is happening to them. At least I had my imagination to carry me through my childhood.
I leaned that in the end it all comes down to trust in God (or your higher power) and to have faith in the things that only he can provide.This is the secret to my survival. Its trust and faith in my heavenly father. I pray and know that he can carry me through whatever difficulties come my way in life.