Desire For Change

Past experience has taught me so much about who I am. My own character and identity. Perhaps even who I was meant to become had it not been stolen away. I learned about trust and faith and my own emotional fragility. Through the experiences that I have suffered in my childhood I also leaned about my strength to survive awful experiences and my courage to move forward in my life despite it all.

I really desire to know who I am as a person. I am reclaiming my life, my birthright from the one person who thought that he owned me. Because of him I lost my identify, my sense of self. I am getting in touch with my inner wisdom. Thank goodness for this wisdom for it is a gift that has helped me to survive and to thrive through out my life. I have heard it said that there is a resilience to me. I believe this to be true about myself. I now realize that I am precious in God’s eyes and he never meant those painful things to happen to me.

What seems to matter most about my healing journey is my attitude about the past now.
I could have the attitude, “why me”. But I would rather say, “ok this happened to me but now what? What can I make of this now? I do know, to answer that question, that I want to create a hopeful life for myself and be future oriented instead of always looking back and perpetuating my past experiences. I want to promote for myself a happy life.

I am, through this blog, experiencing healing by sharing my story and finding meaning in the pain. I am finding a life more of my choosing by making positive decisions.

I have learned that just thinking about change does not bring it about. In the past I thought about change but without any action nothing different happens. I finally came to the conclusion that if I did not do anything to change my outcome of the past then I will remain forever trapped in my own suffering. My past experiences were based on learned behaviors that served a purpose, though mal-adaptive, to survive. Now I no longer just want to survive.
I want to thrive. This requires change. This is a process that when accomplished can yield amazing results.


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