Fear or Dred

I think I am dreading therapy tomorrow. Since last time I have been having nightmares. She said that it could and probably will happen. But it doesn’t make it any easier to cope with. My PTSD symptoms have gotten worse. I know that it is all part of the process but I am starting to doubt my ability to go through with it. To be perfectly honest I think I am more afraid of feeling the painful emotions that will come up as I begin the process. Reliving the memories will not be easy but I fear the emotional  pain more. I was always told as a child not to cry and not to get angry. Those messages remained in my mind  well into my adult life. I learned to shut all painful feelings off. I don’t even think that the process of EMDR will release it. Its suppose to. I am really scared but I’m not giving up. I am a determined person. I have pushed through so much in my life. This will be hard but it won’t kill me!


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