I feel that my therapy with the EMDR and Hypno-therapy are getting just a little too much for me. I talked about the time my father raped me in the woods and then tried to kill me. I will start from the beginning.
He told my mom that he needed to go to the store to buy eggs. He told her that ” Linda wanted to come with me.” I looked at my mom and desperately wanted her to look at my face to see that I did not want to go with him. But as usual my mom was clueless. I had no choice to go with him. It was weird……….he went to the store to get the eggs but he just kept walking around like he didn’t know what he was doing. At one point, I got lost in the store and could not find him. This is very frightening for a 9 year old little girl. When you are a child time seems to go on forever. So I felt like I was in there for a long time. I was wandering around to find him. I kept ending up back where I started and still did not find him. I went up to the deli counter and told them that I can’t find my daddy. They made an announcement asking him to come to the service area. He did not come. When they were not looking I went outside and looked around. He was in the car waiting for me??? I got in the car and we started for home. As we got closet to home he slowed the car down sometimes and then would speed up to normal. I think he didn’t know what he wanted to do or he was to scared to do it. So we were almost home and he pulled the car over to the side of the road. He looked at me with strange dark piercing eyes. He did not look normal to me. I knew something was wrong and I felt that something bad was about to happen. He told me to get out of the car. I said, “No Daddy no.” It did not matter. I feared him so much that I just got out of the car. He walked me into the woods and raped me and then had that strange look again and he hit me in the side of my head and I fell, believe or not right on a small rock. I head hurt so bad but there was not much bleeding. He went to strike me again but for some odd reason he pulled back. I started to run home. It wasn’t very far. He started chasing after me and then he stopped where he stood and watched me run. I tripped and caught my pants on something and my knee was bleeding. I got home but I was scared to tell my mom. I really needed her to help me but I knew that I couldn’t so I took care of myself and tried to hide what had just happened to me. My mom did not even question why I was home and dad was not yet. Like I said before, she is clueless. I was trembling so bad and I went to my room to calm down so that know one would know. I just knew that he would be so angry if I told. He finally showed up at the house but with no eggs. It was fall. Late fall. The leaves were crunchy under my feet. My head hurt for days after but I did not say a word about it. It was over…at least for now.