I have an art studio set up in my house. It was one of my girls rooms. When they all moved out I thought that it would make a great sanctuary and creative space where I can be free to express myself. A true artist puts emotion into their work. Without a feeling of emotion the piece will just look flat and plane like very bland food. Art should draw you into it and carry you all around its creative design.
Talking about feelings, I have a very difficult time going up there to paint. I have spurts of excitement when my mind is full of creative ideas. Sometimes it all seems to fill my head and heart all at once and I become so over-whelmed that I just decide not to do it.
There is another reason why it seems so difficult to be in that room surrounded by paints, brushes and canvas. My fatherr was a awesome artist. Although he was the one who abused me, I can not help but feel some sense of pride in his work. I have inherited some of his talent. I might not ever be as good as he was but I love to express myself this way. There is this huge beautifully framed piece that he did and it was given to me. It is of a carousel. He knew how much I loved them. When it was given to me I was not sure that I wanted to keep it. I had so much anger toward him for what he did that its to hard to see his art or mine as it is tainted by the horrors of the past. It was the horrors inflicted upon my soul and spirit. Good expressive art needs spirit. As I begin to heal, it is my hope that I heal my broken soul and smothered spirit. There is a spark of excitement sometimes when a creative idea comes up in my head. I will know for sure that I am healed when I am able to be in that room surrounded by art supplies he left when he died of lung cancer in 2006. He told my mom to make sure that I get anything I want from his studio. Its about removing the emotion from the tools of art and put these emotions to the visual enjoyment for myself and others.