Its that difficult time

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Yes, it’s that difficult time between therapy appointments. My therapist is in an internship for advanced hypno-therapy. Sometimes my appointment has to wait three weeks. I understand but its hard. I am working on very difficult traumatic memories using EMDR. Sometimes I feel all opened up. I feel raw, like an open wound that is very very painful. I wont see her until the 20th of this month. I am doing ok with it. I have been distracting myself with my creative hobbies. I am also going to paint my hall way. The color is going to be a sage green. I am going to put a giant decal of branches with pink flowers and hummingbirds over it. It will go perfect with the sage green. My husband always comments on how I decorate to feminine. You know, flowers and frills everywhere. I love carousels. I have since I was a little girl. My dad would take us to his favorite amusement park, Quassy Amusement Park in Middlebury CT USA. For just that one day I felt safe from my dads sexual abuse of me. I would ride the carousel. It was my favorite ride. I felt so free and I pretended that my horse would come off the ride and would take off and fly far away from harm. I probably wrote about this in past blogs but its therapeutic for me to remember the good times! I collect carousels. I have eight full size carousels with six to eight horses. One is a Thomas Kincaid themed carousel that is trimmed in twenty-four caret gold. I have another that has a Tiffany theme. Its blue with cobalt blue lights. I also have one that I got from the Big-E (Eastern States Expedition). It has multi colored fiber-optic lights. I also have a carousel horse lamp that is made of blue clay and shaved glass. I got that at the Big-E as well. The rest of them are all single horses. Of course they all have that sweet music box melody. My husband and girls used to buy me one for my anniversary each year but I now have too many and not enough room to put them. Oh well where there is a will there is a way. I do have an entire room that I could put shelves and more carousels. Wouldn’t my husband just love that!  Its fun collecting them and winding them up to watch them move and listen to that beautiful music box sound. I have a painting that I did of a single carousel horse. It’s very whimsical. It’s nice to have something to collect. It’s not for everyone but for those of us who do like it there is a desire to go out and find unique ones for our collections. It gives us a sense of joy and happiness. Especially for those of us who have survived some of the worst atrocities in life. So to all of us collectors out there, (HAPPY SEARCHING). So as for my therapy appointment, it will be here before I know it.




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