Unsafe

I am going to list the different aspects of what my siblings and I went through as children living in an unsafe environment..

We all had suffered in different ways but child abuse is child abuse.

1.) Neglect…………We never had enough to eat. Some days we only have one meal a day. Growing children need proper nutrition. I remember feeling weak at times from the lack of food. We were all too small for our age as a result of poor nutrition We never saw the dentist and besides shots we never had check-ups. By the time my brothers reached their early twenties they had already shown severe damage to their teeth. My sister and I fared better with our teeth. Also there is lack of safety and protection. That was my mothers job but she failed.

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2.) Physical Abuse……… I have to say that my brother Ricky suffered beatings with the belt regularly.  My mom use to slap us in the face for something we had done wrong. Half the time we had no idea what she slapped us for.. She slapped hard leaving a bright red mark on our faces every time.

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3.) Fear….. of the next thing that would happen. My father would play mind games with us. He would scare me all the time with …..”Linda what is that”……….and he would point to a spider. But there was no real spider there. He just liked the reaction of fear in me. Mark was always afraid of what my Dad would do to him next. My father liked to humiliate Mark and make fun of him. Mark was youngest of us all. My father was very manipulative and would make anything sound good and so we thought it was ok but it wasn’t. Even though Kim was completely blind she had a strong sense of meanness in my Father and never felt safe when he was around. Then there were the times that strange things would happen in our house that could  not be explained. I’m not saying that our house was haunted but perhaps these events  happened as a result of my dad, aunt and my grandmother messing with things they should not have. A oujia board is not a game. I think my dad was effected by doing that. The strange things that happened seem to follow him around. . My father also said that he sold his soul to the devil if he would in return make my father succeed in art or music. My dad was very talented but lacked the ability in knowing how to get what he wanted or needed in the right way. He relied on evil rather than God.  I don’t want to get into details about what happened because it scares me to much. Perhaps  I will in another post at some point. Because my goal with this blog is to be completely  honest about everything that happened to me to help others know that they are not alone.

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4.) Sexual Abuse…………..My simblings have told me that they were not sexually abused. I seem to be the only one. I was told that it’s a secret and never tell because our family will break up and he would go to jail. So being just a little girl I felt responsible for keeping my family together if I did just what he wanted. I discovered that I could disassociate to  take some of the fear away. It didn’t always work. I thought that the first time that it happened I was eight. However it has come to light through EMDR with its ability to release information that I blocked  I found out that the abuse started at age three. There was always these flashbacks and feelings that made me wonder if  it happened earlier. But I lacked the details until EMDR helped me to release it all. So from three to seventeen I had to suffer his attacks on me.

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5.) Verbal abuse…………….this actually was something that my Mom had to suffer throughout her marriage. Some of us children also experienced his rude condescending treatment of us. All of us. I felt really bad for mom. But was still angry that she did not protect us.

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Linda

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