I still haven’t gotten rid of the things that I said to my dad yesterday. I know that even through my anger and my hurt and my loss there is a part of me that cannot let go of what could have been and more importantly what should have been for me as a child. I can’t help feeling like I betrayed him by telling. Even though I know he has been dead since 2006, I still feel his power over me. It haunts me. He violates my everyday. He steals my joy. He distorts my view of myself. I know that I feel all of this so strongly now because I am actively dealing with it. I have a long way to go to purge the pain of the past and the horrors inflicted upon me. I am going to be patient with myself and the process of therapy. I will get through it and out the other side. He has stolen my energy for today. I am promised that it will return to me and I will feel pure joy. I eagerly wait for that day. I’m distressed right now but I am not giving up the fight to get my dignity and my power back.
Power can be used over people in some of the worst ways but power can lift the spirits of those who believe in something better. Please use your power, but use it for the good of all!
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