I just got back from therapy. I feel very overwhelmed and sad. Through the process of EMDR I got in touch with some of the anger that I had toward my father but could never express. I had the chance today to express that and I could not. How, after all this time, am I still afraid of my father. He’s dead so he would never know if I express anger toward all the horrible things that he did. I suppose it’s just buried deep inside and it going to talk a little time to release it. I am determined……. I will do it. I also got in touch with a tremendous amount of sadness. I talked about feeling completely alone. I felt invisible as a child. I really believed at times that people really did not see me. I also felt as if I was only born to be used by sick twisted people who like to hurt children in the worst ways.
Although today was rough in therapy and I don’t feel so well right, I know that soon I will be free of all this misery. I am determined to get through it all no matter how hard it will be and no matter how bad it makes me feel. The light will get brighter. I am sure of it. I will succeed.