I was like this in the beginning
When I am on my way to therapy I sometimes anticipate what is going to be discussed or what issue we will work on. So I do go to therapy with a measure of anxiety. Its kind of like fear of the unknown. But I have become braver than I have ever been before. Today’s therapy challenged my ability to be brave and have courage. In fact I don’t say it very much to myself, but I was proud of myself.
Intense fear like no other fear that I have ever felt was tapped into through EMDR. I don’t know how I was able to sit there with all this fear inside. As we progressed through the EMDR my fear increased with each set of eye movements to the point that it actually made me nauseous. I did feel that fight or flight mode and there was a moment when I wanted to run out of there but I was able to stick with it no matter how difficult it would be. I know that I needed to sit there in my body and feel the emotions and the physical sensations. This is part of the process of EMDR. If I am ever going to purge the past and learn from those maladaptive behaviors that interfere and cause difficulty in my adult life then I have to push through it. Giving up will only hold me back from improving my life and state of mind. I have goals. I was taught to hold on to those goals sad or afraid, no matter what I have to keep reaching for that goal. Whatever it takes.
This is what Rachel, My therapist said today, “I am Great. that is how I felt when I left to go home!!!
I wont discuss right now in this post of the memories that were brought to light as well as the fear. I will however, include it in a future post as I feel it is important if it validates my readers who may have had similar issues.
I would absolutely recommend EMDR!