Well today is Saturday and the third day after that whole Wednesday incident. I was able to share in group Friday what I wrote in my post. I thought people would look at me strange or snicker. However, when I read the post you could have heard a pin drop. Once I was done they began to share similar experiences. That was so reassuring. That’s the magic of group therapy. The support has been amazing. This IOP stay has been really encouraging for me thus far. I do however, miss my therapist. The therapist from IOP tried to get me to talk about all that pain that caused me to feel that I needed the cough medicine. But could not do that. Clearly I was not ready.
I know that at my last session with my therapist before IOP, I was encouraged to do the very same thing. She never pressures me into opening up. It is always my choice. I am not sure why I can’t get in touch with the powerful feelings that have been so trapped inside for so long. Given the fact that they have been there so long, it makes sense that it would take time and a lot of trust to open the wound and release the memories that cause me so much pain now. I know each time I process a memory that I am assured some measure of pain. I don’t think its trust in others, though, that’s important but I really think it’s about the ability to trust myself. I need to believe in my own ability to let go and rise with the storm of feelings and then come out the other side proud that I succeeded.
If I can sit with myself in the silence and get in touch with that pain and really get myself to think about it in as much depth as possible, I might just have the power to let go.
There is a measure of fear that when the time comes I wont be alone. I can look at that as an embarrassing thing or I can look at it as being validated for something that has been kept invisible for a very long time. We all need that. Validation Is huge among survivors of childhood trauma. Back in our childhoods we might not have gotten that. In fact for some they may not have been believed. How horrible is that. There might not have been someone who could give comfort. Now today, there are many people out there in the world that will take the time to listen because they may have experienced something very similar and they know from a personal perspective what that can truly be like. So in this exchange of conversation each person will validate the other. There are people who really truly care. All we have to do is open up. Releasing the same kind of pain can be different for everyone but the comfort that comes from deep inside is given because they know how you feel.
I want to follow the theme of my very own blog which is “be brave and find your voice”!