I’m in the maze again.

I don’t like being in this place and yet I find myself here again.  I feel lost….I feel scared….I feel overwhelmed.  This is, as Dr. Sues puts it, “the waiting place”. I’ve been here before and I will be here again.

I’m in IOP (Intensive Out-Patient Program) again.  At this particular point in time, I’ve been working on the most difficult trauma memory of my childhood. It’s like ok, I opened up about it, but it’s now all opened up. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know what to say or where to go and being in this place is so scary and filled with nothingness and yet everything and I can’t breathe so then now what? Because thinking will have to make me feel emotions and I don’t think that I can handle the emotions that have been trapped for decades.

I know I will move through this. I know that I want to with all my heart and might. I need direction in the in-between time.

I am truly in the, “waiting place”.


2 thoughts on “I’m in the maze again.

  1. Deep breathe and slow. As much as you can focus on the breath. I wish I had more, but that one thing alone is truly amazing. Anxiety is part of my daily life and ensuring my breath is deeper and slower does help me a lot. This too shall pass… You are so courageous and your determination to move through this is admirable. You already lived through it and survived. You are tenacious.

    Like

    1. Your support is amazing. You always have just the right thing to say. Thank you so much for kind words. Yes, it is very true when you talk about controling the breathe. It does work. Sometimes it takes great effort but its worth it. I think survivor’s of any form of child abuse show great courage whether they get to tell their story or not because they keep making a life for themselves dispite what they went through and many are making a very real positive difference in the world.

      Liked by 1 person

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