I don’t like being in this place and yet I find myself here again. I feel lost….I feel scared….I feel overwhelmed. This is, as Dr. Sues puts it, “the waiting place”. I’ve been here before and I will be here again.
I’m in IOP (Intensive Out-Patient Program) again. At this particular point in time, I’ve been working on the most difficult trauma memory of my childhood. It’s like ok, I opened up about it, but it’s now all opened up. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know what to say or where to go and being in this place is so scary and filled with nothingness and yet everything and I can’t breathe so then now what? Because thinking will have to make me feel emotions and I don’t think that I can handle the emotions that have been trapped for decades.
I know I will move through this. I know that I want to with all my heart and might. I need direction in the in-between time.
I am truly in the, “waiting place”.