Its Out



I went this afternoon to get my tooth pulled. We got everything  sorted out with the insurance and 1-2-3-4 the tooth was no more. It came out quick which made those painful novocaine shots worth it. (OOOOOH they hurt so bad) The dentist wasn’t  sure that I was even breathing . He just kept on saying, “Breathe Linda breathe…..are breathing?” I  was actually holding my breath because I somehow though it wouldn’t hurt so bad. I was so wrong. So I got home and took my pain meds and ate a soft dinner and now its computer time. But I am very sleepy so I might just konk out instead.  I wish happy dreams for all tonight.      zzzz



The Tooth


I really appreciate all those moments when I am not in pain. I know that I have written about this before but this is the continuing saga” of the tooth” I have made  multiple attempts to get seen by the oral surgeons that my dentist refered me to. My  dentist warned me to not wait too long. Well my problem is that the first appointment that I had with them failed because I lost my keys, yes I really did misplace my keys. The second attempt brought me a little closer to actually getting there. I was so excited to finally rid myself of this tiny little thing that caused me so much pain. Well I thought to use my GPS but did not for I knew my way around most of this town except where the oral surgeons office is. That was my first mistake.  I found the street that the place was on but I  could not find the number or building of this office. At one point I thought that I had found it but it was a regular doctors office. I asked them if they knew where the surgeons office was but they said that they never heard of him. I was confused because others must have made the same mistake also because this place was so hard to find. I had the address with me so how is it that I can’t find them. Well given the fact that I have generalized anxiety disorder and had forgotten to take my meds that day I was so frazzled and angry with myself I gave up and turned around and headed for home. I actually have a phobia of getting lost (story for another time).  I did not want to get lost in the state that I was in. I got home and waited to calm down a little and then I called their office to let them know that I would not be there and why. The woman who I talked to was rude and would not accept my explanation. She commented, “well why didn’t you call me from your cell”. Well I could have lied and said that I did not have it and that I must have left it home but I was honest with her and said that I didn’t even think to do that. I wasn’t about to tell her that I had an anxiety disorder because she did not need to know that I had this disorder. I must have sounded like a dits to her. I didn’t care because all that I knew was that I was home and safe.

Well thankfully she made a new appointment with me and that was good and I was grateful despite the embarrassment.

I had an appointment with my regular dentist and set out to go there. I got there and the receptionist laughed at me and said, “Linda you don’t have an appointment until next month. Ok so, I laughed at it too but when I had gotten home I again I felt like an idiot. But a few hours later I had gotten a call from the surgeons office asking why I had missed my appointment.  I said to myself, ” ARE YOU STINKING KIDDING ME!  I had apparently switched the appointments and went to the wrong place. So as frustrated as I already was I asked them to schedule another appointment for me but they could not and would not make another appointment because it is their policy that when you miss two consecutive appointments with them, they will not reschedule. I wanted to cry right then and there because I was extremely frustrated. I understand what she was saying but the unfortunate events that occurred really did happen. In her mind I would guess that she did not believe me.

Well I did not listen to my dentists advice to not let it go too long before I have the tooth pulled.

I started to have more pain and a little swelling. I made a third attempt at making an appointment with the oral surgeon but again she said I am sorry but  its the company policy.

Well I called my dentist office to tell him of the swelling and pain and he said that I could not wait any longer and so he gave me a referral to a different place. I thought to myself, that is  great I was finally going to get this tooth taken care of.  Yah right……….they could not see me until they got approval from the insurance company and also how much they would pay and how much was my responsiblity.  That makes sense right? But when they went to my insurance company to get approval the company said that there was no one there under that name. ( Really………….. )  So I got online and put my user name and password in to find out for myself because this does not make any sense. I could not get in with my user name and password. It did not recognize me as being a member.   (Really…………..)  So I called the insurance company and was put on hold and I waited and waited and then the phone went dead. They hung up on me. Being so frustrated with them and about to cry, I waited until my husband got home and hoped that we could figure it out together.

We made another attempt to get in and then tried his login for his account and he got in no problem and from there he found my account claims and payments, so clearly I am covered. It was really strange. I called the surgeons office back and told them what we had found out and so she tried again and reported back to me that she was on the phone for an hour with them and was transferred from person to person with no results. Well it turns out the reason that the dental/vision part of our insurance would not show up was that theirs is separate and you have to call a different number. Now why couldn’t the medical side of insurance tell her that and give her the number.   She just kept giving me the run around. I think she really did try but she was just as frustrated with them as I was. This is a big name insurance company.( Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield.) You would have thought that they knew what to do to help her. So she called me back and asked if I had a different card for dental.

I did not have a card because apparently…. I lost it. I had, while on the phone with her, completely emptied my purse and I emptied every card in my wallet with no success and what a mess my table was! Its like whatever could go wrong did go wrong.

I called my husband at work and asked him to text me a picture of his card and so he did and I pulled the number from his card and gave it to the receptionist at the doctor’s office. I waited patiently for her to call back with good news.  She, ” said I have good news and bad news.” ” The good news is that I finally got to talk to the right place but could not get approval as they said that you have no more coverage left for this year and we have to tell you ahead of time that if we schedule an appointment with you,  you would be responsible for the cost of the visit upfront before anything is done which just so happens to be 500.00″.  I knew that could not be right. So I had my husband call and he talked to a guy who said, “I don’t know who she talked to but your wife still has $460.00 left of coverage for this year.  The receptionist told me that they would not be in the next day which happened to be a Friday. I had to wait through the weekend to get any further with this issue. Well by now my pain had increased. On a scale of 0-10 it was a 9 and my face began to swell up more and more. My husband suggested to go to our primary doctors after-hours treatment and be seen in hopes of getting put on an antibiotic. It was that or the emergency room. The doctor who saw me said, “what happened to you” . Just joking around she turned to my husband and said, ” did you do this” . My husband laughed and said nope, “this wasn’t my fault”. I explained my story and she said that you immediately need to be put on an antibiotic . She could clearly see that the infection from the tooth was spreading.  She said, ” you must have that tooth pulled right away”.  She gave me pain meds, (only 5 vicotin as that is all she was allowed), and sent me on my way.

So here I am writing this post with half the pain gone because I could only take 1/2 the tab to make it last until Monday. I was about to pull it myself! My face feels so strange and hurts if I touch anywhere on the right side of my face. I knew that I had an issue with eye bags but not that bad. I really did look like someone had punched me in the face.


I will post more when I actually get an appointment to get this tooth once-and-for-all pulled…


P.S.      I was told so many times that if you let a tooth infection or abscess go too long that it could go to you brain and then your dead.  I asked the doctor at my primary docs office and she said, “well have you got any cracks in your skull or did you break you nose? If not then there is no way for it to get to your brain”. I found that interesting and I was a little more relieved that this tooth would not kill me.




























The courage to be free


I am ending IOP once again. I allowed myself to be pulled down and into the past suffering.  Yes, I am working on my trauma with my therapist and some of this is to be expected. How long though, do I have to stay in it. If I feel stuck in it, why do I have to stay stuck? But that is what I am doing. I have been allowing myself to muddle through the pain for far to long. Its over and it can not hurt me now. I have tackled that monumental childhood memory that I was afraid of for so long. In fact, I truly believed that I could not and should not ever go there and especially not verbally share it with anyone. Maybe I some how thought that talking about it would bring it to life again. Well that’s what it did in a sense but not literally for it is over and can no longer hurt me. That is the work of EMDR and I knew it would happen sooner or later. I am glad that I finally got it out of me and that someone heard and validated what I went through in such a kind and gentle way.  Even before I ever began to think about working on it, I knew that she was the “one” to go through it with me and she would always say in a very nurturing manner,  “You are not alone I am going on this journey with you. It was one of the most reassuring things that has ever been told to me. I believe her because she has proven herself over and over.  Like I said if I ever come close to talking about that memory, she would be the one to hear it. Only one person needs to hear and she did, so I now know that I don’t ever have to go there again.  I now feel more free since releasing it all and not just the word’s but those powerful emotions that have been held very tightly inside my body for so very long. I felt the lightness from releasing it. I no longer feel that I carry that burden that was imprisoned inside me eating away at any potential that I might have had. Well, now it can no longer do that. I now have no excuse for holding myself back from my potential and my dreams. It’s never too late to have a happy life! I want no more hospitalizations or programs that  keep me  perpetually lost all the time. I can now see a future and I can now see and understand that I was not to blame for those things that happened to me or the length of time it took to recover from it. I am not that speck of dust that I thought that I was. I am much larger as I did not continue the cycle of abuse,  Instead I broke it and I am proud of that!

There is still more work to do,  but I now have more strength in me to conquer what ever comes up. I don’t have to wait to live my life anymore because I can finally move without the sting from triggers of my past.