Let me think. Let me think for a minute. What’s going on in my head? My mind is jumping around from thought to thought. Every thought is heard, felt and sometimes seen, internally of course. Every thought in its own right has a place where it belongs within and a right to join in on the internal conversation. The conversation is hard to hear as there is a lot of thinking going on and its way more than I need and seems to be off focus.
There are even thoughts that I think connect to what I am writing but they are always interrupted by these crazy thoughts. Thought number one, “look at me…….look at me, over here stupid, can’t you see me or hear me? I’m lighting up just like the other thoughts. I need attention too because there are things I need to tell you. Can you stop writing for just a minute because perhaps I have something to say that you could write down.”
Thought number two, “No..no no my thought is way more important then yours.”
Thought number one, “well just who do you think you are. You just want to show her that its raining outside, really, raining?” “You think that she could be distracted by some intermittent rain drops, funny, really funny.” ” Just shut up so she can continue writing her letter. Do not disturb the thought process.” ‘You always fight to interfere and then her mind begins to wander.”
Thought number two, “oh now you’ve done it, now she is looking out the window at the so-not-important rain.” ” I bet she doesn’t even remember what she was going to write next.”
This is too over-whelming for me to write because I am disturbed by other thoughts that draw me away every time. Its craziness all up in my head. If people could see my thoughts in the form of objects which they sometimes are, they would think that there is a carnival going in my head. If that is really what they see inside then I think their right.
Thought number three, “Wait, wait I want to say something! See this is what happens all the time. She just ignores me but I know she knows that I am here waiting for my place in thoughts and in her day. It’s just so frustrating to have a valuable thought and yet she is way to busy listening to stupid over there who just wants to shoot off his mouth to be heard without any real need or reason. Now let’s get back to me.”
No I have to write this letter! It’s so important, wait…wait I just had a great idea for a painting. I can’t wait to get this letter done and in the mail because I might forget my idea for the painting.
Thoughts 2 and 3, “she thinks she has problems, we can’t even get her attention although I know she hears us and knows that we are waiting in line to get our points out. These are real genuine thoughts that she could use in her day.”
Thought number one, “oh yes …. that’s coming from a thought that just had to make her see that it was barely raining outside.”
Oh my head hurts. I will take this letter and put it in the mailbox and then take a nap. I am glad it stopped raining because I am going to meet Jennifer in the park for some good old fresh air.
Thought number one, “hey, wait a minute, I should have not complained about you distracting her because it really was important that she knew about the light rain so she could schedule her day.”
Now I hope people understand my frustration and hesitation to accomplish normal daily activities. My head is always too full. Full of important stuff and full of exciting ideas and there is a lot of loud nonsense thoughts that I could do without.
Thoughts 1,2 and 3, “you don’ think that she means us do you?”
I am so glad that no one else hears that over-whelming….chaos and internal thought storm. I have to find a way to quiet my mind a little so that everything makes sense. I can use the list idea but the list idea can get me in trouble because then I begin to make list’s for my list’s and that is crazy-making in of itself. Meditation is a very good idea, its worked in the past but that’s just it sometimes, it’s just an idea that never comes to fruition because there is always something that I need to be doing. Meditation is the perfect thing to do because it can slow down all that noise and thought process in my head. Maybe when all is quiet while I am meditating, I can organize that pile of thoughts on the floor of my brain and put them in their appropriate file boxes. That will slow things down and there is this other idea that use to work for me but I got out of practice. Morning pages, so when I wake up before I get out of bed I can reach for my favorite journal and free right. I love to free write because there are no rules. I don’t care about grammar or punctuation or run on sentences. By doing this I can empty all the thoughts that come to mind in the morning or thoughts from the night before so that I can rid my mind of them and they can’t interfere with my day. It makes for a calmer mind and that can free up my day to be amazing. Now all I have to do is make a determined effort to do it.
“Just breathe, in and out, nice and slow, there you go”
P.S. I know that I am not the only one who goes through this. Everyone does. Our minds are amazing. But for some, it is always to a greater degree and that can be very difficult to handle. Thankfully, there is always a resource to quiet even the busiest of minds.