She only felt what she felt

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She knew that she was different. But different could never be explained in words. She has often tried to tell others who just look at her in a confused or objectionable manner, like, “oh really”.  Its hurtful. She searches for someone who understands but she is left lonely in her thoughts and strangely unique feelings. The thoughts can always be explained and judged by the listener. However, the listener can not sense or know or feel the same way.  She has wondered all her life why she is this way. She has asked herself, “was I born this way and are there others like me who just want to be understood and treasured for this unique gift?”

It feels like shifting into a surreal state but there is perfect control over this odd but breathtaking environment. Entering it is not deliberate. It happens every so often that she is carried away into a feeling and that feeling has colors and sounds and thoughts. She is left in this moment in time for how ever long it takes to experience these things. She can call upon it at will but it is usually by accident. It could be a scent or a light breeze blowing through the window and caught in the lift of her white lace curtain on a beautiful sunny day.  As it reaches her and is felt, the breeze begins to tell her a story. It may be a moment long. But it crosses ages of time. “How is it possible to feel that way”,  she wonders. “If I told anyone one about this they would surely lock me up, but I am not crazy and I know that I am not alone in this experience.” She remains silent about it and she just enjoys this amazing burst of surrealism.  It often feels euphoric in a way that can’t be put into words. She just enjoys it.  After all,  it doesn’t hurt anyone to have a wonderful secret.

Linda

 


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