I did not think that today would be such a busy day. But, you never know what each day will bring. I needed to go grocery shopping, not my favorite thing to do anymore, but my husband called and told me to wait until the dumpster gets delivered. Well I did and as I heard the big truck roll up my street I knew that I had to get dressed fast because I was not presentable the way that I looked. However, before I could make a break to my bedroom to change there was a knock at the door. It was the dumpster guy who turned out to be very nice and asked me to come out to show him just where we wanted it. I said to him, “well I am not really dressed”. He replied, “ah don’t worry no one is looking. So I took his advice and went out and showed him where and said thank you and then darted back in the house. You know, I never get dressed soon enough and I am always caught the way I am dressed when someone knocks on the door. I have been known to not answer the door. Its rude but when I am in that moment I am more worried about my own embarrassment.
Well I finally got dressed about 11 am. I went off grocery shopping. It was ok. There were not a lot of people there this time. Really, its true when people say, “timing is everything”. It did not take me long and I think I actually enjoyed it. When I was done there I set off to find some paintings for my living room. I became very frustrated because I could not find the perfect painting for the wall that I wanted it for. I believe the way that I decorate says a lot about me, so I wanted the painting to reflect that and to be cohesive with my choice of design. I did find a piece. It was perfect. The frame was the right wood grain color. It was a floral with birds which goes perfect with my whimsical_sparkle theme. I was very happy with my choice and the price was right as well.
Tomorrow is another day, so for now I am going to get some much-needed down-time. Provided that my husband does not snore to loudly. It can be a challenge to get to sleep to begin with but when you hear the occasional lawn mower sound in your ear it’s very hard to settle down enough to sleep. I love my husband…my dear husband but I do not like the snoring, not one little bit. Hey that kinda sounded like a Doctor Sues line. I’m such a little girl sometimes. I think this fact is reflected in my decorating too.
Well my daughter is finally settled in her new home just down the road from me. Its awesome knowing that as my grandsons get older they will be able to ride their bikes down to see Nana and Papa. First week in their new home and already the boys asked for Nana to make cookies. Well, I know that they had a little prodding from my daughter, Jazzy, who is their Aunty and Nanny. She finally has her own room, her own space. She hasn’t had that since she left home to help her sister out with the kids. Amy, my other daughter, the new home owner, has a very busy life. She is director of nursing where she works. Yes, she makes the big bucks but her job is demanding. Earning that kind of money always comes with some price. I think, in her case, it’s that she does not have as much time for the boys that she would like. But she is an excellent Mom and takes really good care of her children. It’s obvious to me that she wants nothing but the best for them. I am so proud of her. I am also so proud of Jasmine, aka , Jazzy, because she takes excellent care of her nephews.
Well there are changes in my home as well. I have spent a lot of time painting the walls in my house and redecorating. We are getting a dumpster this weekend to purge all the accumulated stuff from decades of storage. When closets start to bust at the seams, its time to get rid of some stuff. Some of it will be donated to Good Will. The rest will see the dumpster soon. We have the girls old beds, furniture, old tv’s and the couches that we are replacing with a brand new set. The old set has seen better days. Although it is leather, it has gone through children’s pouncing and shenanigans and its gone through many pets who felt that the couch was their space. The new set is coming Tuesday. So we need to get rid of everything before then. Our house has gotten a face lift. It needed it for a very long time. There is still more that we need to do but its going to take patience and more money. Everything comes in good time.
It has been great for my constantly changing moods lately. It has given me something positive to focus on. I need a lot more of that in my life for sure. I am one of those people who has to have my home completely organized or I am not at complete peace with myself. It’s not always a bad thing. Once all this organizing and purging is done than I will need to find other positive things to focus on. Perhaps it will be putting more effort into my writing and I should start using that “art studio” of mine. Things seem to be coming together for me but I am not going to put too much excitement into it yet. Time will tell if I am actually doing better emotionally. I have been working on the trauma and I feel quite a bit of relief from the symptoms. I know that there is still more to work on but if my partial success is proof that it will work out than the remaining effort to work through the rest will defiantly be worth it.
I was driving to therapy and noticing the clouds in the sky, I saw a very odd one. It was a very very dark color. It almost looked like it was smoke from something burning. As I continued on my way I saw more clouds like that. Just what has been going on in our skies? Gone are the days when I was little and the skies where this brilliant shade of blue. It was cheerful to look up in the morning an notice how the beautiful sun played off the clouds to give such a sight. But now I look up to the sky and view the strangest cloud formations. They don’t look natural. It’s not just that. There are strange things going on all over the world on a unprecedented scale. I am not one to fall for conspiracy theories. But I have to admit they can be convincing at times based on facts that we have already experience. Like the homeless disappearing or being put in fema camps. I am not going to get into all that I know about some of this stuff but you have to admit that the world is changing. I am sure there are hidden things that the government does not want us to know. The weather has been devastating to so many people around the world. Earthquakes, mudslides, holes opening in the ground and swallowing up half a town. Hurricanes have increased in their devastation. No one knows just what is going to happen next. Oh and lets not forget the trigger happy guy in North Korea.
Yes this was the kind of day that I had. I was stressing about my own personal issues and then I brought the whole world into it. Because I care.
I guess the best that we can do for now is wake up in the morning and pray to God to thank him for another beautiful day despite it all. The world is in such a mess but God will soon step in and stop the suffering. That’s something important to hold onto.
I have been through so many psychiatrists and therapists over the years. We are talking decades here. Some good and some not so good and some excellent. I just lost a really good psychiatrist. They told me a new one was coming to take her place and so I waited. They told me that it would be about a month for him to get settled in and to call at the end of the month to schedule an appointment. Well a month went by and he still was not there. Finally I get the news that he is not coming at all. I heard he was really nice too. I played around with the idea of going to a doctor that I had in the hospital in the past and looked him up. He is super nice. He is now in private practice. I changed my mind and I decided to use one of the other doctors in the same office as my former doctor. I know him very well. I don’t really care for the way he does things or his manner but I figured that I only see him once a month so it’s not going to kill me to stay with him. Well, I had my first appointment with him and he started seeming very friendly and joking a little and making good eye contact, which seems to be a problem for him, then he swiveled his chair around to look at his computer screen as I was talking. So I figured I would wait until he turned around. He wondered why I stopped talking and said, “go ahead say what you were going to say”, but he did not turn around. I did not at all means for this to come out the way that it did but I said without thinking, “I am not going to talk to the back of your bald head”. I know that was rude of me right? I should ask you the reader who was really the rude one. I should have left the bald part out, that was rude of me! It just slipped out, you know like when you usually think something inside your head but it comes out spontaneously and you didn’t really mean for it too.
I will wait it out and give him some time but if I am not happy there than I will have to find another. It is so hard on me and I know it is hard on many others as well, when you get use to someone and they retire or move and you have to change your therapist or doctor. Oh well that’s life!
P.S. I still have my wonderful therapist! I am not giving her up without a fight!
What do I do with that space. Its white and its there but I think it has been erased. What was it for, this space? I will give it sometime to let me know why it is there and what to do with it. Its clean and its bright! There are so many possibilities to use this space. Was it given to me or was it given to you? Perhaps we both have this white space. It’s so clean so if I use it I don’t want to make a mistake and have to erase this important space.
I know, it’s telling me to write and to keep writing because I can never, never, ever, run out of space.