Well, Clyde, my dear husband, went to the convention today with his brother Carl. I am glad because Carl needed someone to take him because of the eye surgery he had and he should not drive. It worked out well. I always get nervous when Clyde travels so far away from home but I trust his driving experience. I am glad he is so faithful to Jehovah and his dedication to carrying out all his responsibilities to the best of his ability’s. I am so proud of him. I am always so proud of him all the time.
I just wish that he was as proud of himself. I am not sure why he puts himself down so much. He calls himself idiot all the time and stupid, loser, “fat bald and ugly and he lives in a shack on a hill and I don’t want him”. The latter is his favorite saying.
I know that his childhood was not that great either but he had difficulty’s that were different from mine when I was little. I feel so bad for him every time that he puts himself down. It’s really sad because he truly is an amazing man. He is a great husband and a great father. He really is very intelligent. It’s so hard to understand why he does this. I love him so much and when he hurts I hurt too.
The very idea of having a successful lifelong marriage and the privilege of raising beautiful children and to see them off into their own lives and families is a huge blessing that he had a very huge part in. I struggled with my illnesses as a result of the aftermath of chronic child abuse but that aside, we still built an amazing life together and as a strong family. I am so very grateful for every day of my life. God has given so many reasons for joy. It is hard to wake up in the morning without a smile for my God for all he has done. I say my prayer even before getting out of bed in the morning. It’s my time with my heavenly father. What a great way to open the morning with cheer and gratitude. I pray for guidance through my day and always feel a strong sense of God on my side as I go through my day. I am sure to have success in my day if I include him in everything.
With us, all together as a family are all playing their roles. In this way, we are always making up for what is missing and making repairs with each other as we sometimes stubble through unforeseen occupancies that do befall us all. One is always lifting another in there time of need and then it comes around full circle so that all members of the family through their great demonstration of love for each other heal the family all in there own loving way.
It is a privilege and honor that I feel, to have the opportunity to raise happy safe children despite what I went through as a child. We are all so resilient in our own special ways.
I feel that I have been truly blessed by God to have such joys in my life despite my difficulties. What an honor it is to serve such a loving heavenly father who has never let me down and always provided a way out of the pain. I did not always listen but eventually realized the benefits displayed in our beautiful family and on my behalf.
Never give up. Wherever there is pain there is a way out.seek it out and reach…God will not disappoint you. Not ever.
Love to all!