“The heart is more treacherous than anything else” Jeremiah 17:9
This Robert Frost Quote has always had profound meaning to me. I have a lot more respect for the person who chooses to be different no matter how horrible others can make them feel. There is nothing wrong with being different if being different speaks the real truth or expresses their true gifts.
There is so much value and lesson in being humble………. the lack of humility can rip another’s heart apart without a word. L.B.
Sometimes when the people you like hurt you, it’s better to stay quiet because if who you are is not enough, do you think your words will matter?
All these quotes might seem a little much, but they all carry the wisdom that I want to express. I think these quotes should make us both think about what had occurred and how to handle ourselves the next time, perhaps even with others as well.
We all can do well to find the wisdom in these quotes and how they can relate to each of us. We are all imperfect humans and we all make mistakes. Of course, I am including myself. But what is most important, when this happens, is in finding out what the right thing to do is and finding how to make a repair and step back and look at what happened with kindness, not anger and always understanding that kindness calms the storm. We need to forgive and to find a solution that can mend both people in the situation.
There are some circumstances that can not be mended because one person or the other will not own their part in the situation. This is so sad because this can make a very good relationship go bad. Then it has to end. It is permanent.
Unfortunately, whats done is done. We can not make a single person come forward and admit that they were partly wrong. That is in their hands.
I have not written about the situation that happened to me in therapy because I wanted to be ever so careful with my words. So I chose these quotes to speak for me for now until I can write about it without crying.
Oh never mind here it is.
I hope you read this. My goal is not to injure you in any way and it never was but instead, maybe make you aware that what I did say in that moment might have triggered something in you. Perhaps I might be wrong but it seemed as though you forgot your place and that you forgot that I was a patient obviously in a lot of pain and only half aware of what I was saying. I will only speak the truth about what happened. In my heart, I never meant to cause you any purposeful pain or offense. I was under the influence of cold medicine that had carried over into the next day and into my appointment with you. I can not understand how you can hold me completely accountable for what I said because you should, after more than two years of seeing me for therapy, know that what was said and how I said it was totally out of character for me.
Trust is so fragile.
if you are reading this I never said you were evil. I would never say that to anyone. I might have said that the world as a whole is right now under the power of the evil one. I did not specifically say that reiki and chakras were wrong. I was not trying to correct you. I know that you are an intelligent woman it goes without saying. I never said or implied that you were not. I was trying to warn you that there are all powerful and dangerous forces behind all that energy that you share with others through Reika and to be careful. The source of the energy is not from where you think it is and it can turn on you and leave you in a very bad place as it has done to many many others and you can also unknowingly pass some on to those who you are working on with the healing. My intentions were completely honest and from the heart. There might be a few things standing in the way of you seeing and understanding it clearly. All these mystical, magical or healing powers and unbelievable ideas about life and death, have a way of blurring one’s heart from the truth. That’s what they are meant to do. I may have been under the influence of the cold-medicine but I do know what I said and I did not ever call you evil. I think you are very sweet and kind. If you felt hurt, though not my intention, maybe it was your conscience or guilt or something like that. I do realize that how it all came out and how it must have sounded to you seemed confrontational. But in a way, it was taken out of context and turned into something bigger. But if I had not been under the hold of the cold medicine I would not have ever said it at all. But still, in a way, I am glad that I did. Even though the truth hurts it usually comes out of love. Everything happens for a reason.
I can not be held responsible for the way you reacted to what I said. You said, “I am not trying to shame you but you were shamming me horribly. Putting me in that other room to talk with you was like saying that I no longer deserved to be in your office. I felt like a child. I apologized so many times that I could not possibly count. I was crying so hard that I could hardly speak. You barely gave me any time to speak anyway. I think you had your own agenda that day and it was to put me in my place. Well instead you put me in a place no patient should ever have to be or experience and I pray that you never do that again to anyone else. But I am not angry only sad. I just don’t understand. I was blown away by the way you treated me. It was not professional and you “did” cause harm. Dr. Carousso called me today and asked if I wanted help in finding another therapist. Honestly, right now, I said I cannot answer that. It’s all too much. I may not ever want to risk ever being hurt that way and on that level ever again. That’s sad.
Even intelligent woman can make mistakes or be triggered by something that they never saw coming. But I think you forgot that I am an intelligent woman as well. I felt very disrespected and misunderstood. There was a lot of assuming and no efforts to try to understand what was really happening. You kept shutting me up and barely letting me talk and you continued going on and on with what you felt you needed me to know about how it hurt you and how I was so, so, so, wrong. Isn’t therapy supposed to be about me. I was humiliated by you the first time you told me but that wasn’t enough. One sincere apology on my part should have been good enough but it was not. It was not an even playing field, you always had the upper hand I knew and I felt it. You said you were not angry but your body language said it all. I have never saw this side of you. I never knew that you could be that way. You tried to make it all come off sounding therapeutic but it was so wrong. I trusted you to be my therapist but you felt more like another patient in that room. You made me feel completely unimportant while I was in that room and you said you did not have much time because you had somewhere to be. But it did not stop you from really letting me have it.
P.S. I mean you no disrepect……..up until now I thought you were awesome. I will always be grateful for all you gave of yourself and all that you taught me. I will remember your smile forever because it lights up the room every time. I will never forget the fun we had and that pink thing that we had in common. Maybe we were way too much alike and finally found that out. I do not regret giving you the inspiration rock because I will never forget how you inspired me to want to know more and be all that I can be.
I just don’t know what to make of it.
I just don’t understand.
Unless you are under the influence of some substance and don’t really have the control needed to keep how you feel, unsaid.
I am so sorry for hurting you but I think what really happened by what I said, is that it made you question your whole belief system. What was said should have not come at you in that way. I was partly wrong in that.
I forgive you for your part but forgetting is going to have to take some time.
I thought that you might be a big enough person to make an apologie of your own. I cant make you do that but whether you contact me and apologize or not, it will define what kind of person you truly are.