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She seems to like sunflowers because she had them out front of the house by the sign and her appointment cards had sunflowers on them. So these are for her if she decides to read my blog.

The last few days have been difficult for me. I have been trying to distract myself but the hurt keeps pushing its way into my head and heart. I am feeling really down from that whole therapist thing. I am trying to have the right attitude through it all but it is hard. I am trying not to be too hard on her and yet respect my own pain.

I really hope that she is Ok.

My husband said, “Honey, I can see that you are hurt, is there anything I can do about it”. I replied, “no not really because it should be left alone and “time heals all wounds”. I did see my Doctor Thursday and I think he said we need to have a plan. Safety first! That’s the most important thing. He talked about maybe getting a new therapist, which to me sounds scary right now. I don’t ever want to get hurt like I did with Rachel. I am not sure that I can take that risk. I will say that the therapist’s that I did have in a clinical setting were always ok, not perfect, but ok.  Nothing happened to hurt me. I have had a lot of therapists over the years who were in private practice as well. I learned the difference. I just wish that I didn’t have to learn the difference by getting hurt. Out there in the world of private practice, they can take liberties and that in a clinical setting, there are stricter rules on what is allowed and acceptable. I think from now on I am going to stick to a clinical setting.

Rachel may not have meant to hurt me like she did, but I just wish she would apologize for her part in what happened. Just an apology out of respect and given the fact that I apologize over and over. I tried. Oh well, she might not ever talk to me again or apologize and I am going to have to live with it and get over it but it sure would make my healing a little easier to handle.

This post holds no magical words with profound meaning, just real life as it is.th (19)th (23)