I don’t know or understand why I am letting all this with the therapist, tear me apart. I thought that I was stronger than that. One big thing that she always said was, “I want to empower you”. I don’t think that it worked. I feel so low and hold no real beneficial power. I always thought that it was better to stay humble like Jesus taught us. But I don’t deserve to feel this low.
Just what is it that she wanted out of that last conversation? She certainly did more than humiliate me. Is that what she wanted? Did she want to come away from this the champion? Well, I think she did. I sure don’t feel like a winner. I lost so much in this situation. I hope she is proud of herself. She took a normally quiet humble “Linda” and turned her into dust, that with a swift breeze is blown away forever.
I wonder how she is feeling today. Life goes on and there are patients who need attending too. Like a lost sheep, searching for her shepherd, I am more lost than ever.
I am finding it hard to do anything. I don’t enjoy anything at this point in time. I hope that I get better because I can’t live this way! I feel like a beat-up boat going nowhere.
I’m currently in this long and confusing process of figuring out who I am and what I want my life to be. I thought I had help with that until it was gone. I hate that feeling like I am missing something.
I do know that every test in our life makes us bitter or better, every problem comes to break us or make us. The choice is ours whether we become “victim or victor”. I am not sure where I am yet with regard to this.